Bone Tomahawk was the last movie I saw in 2016 and it was a goddamned mistake to do so. I should’ve picked something fun, sentimental or positive to watch, but I ended that awful year with a movie so fucking brutal and timely that it made Mariah Carey’s Times Square performance a cake walk (that shit was still embarrassing though). Bone Tomahawk isn’t the horror-western we needed, but the one we deserved. And if you’re brave enough to see it through, it will provide unshakable payback with haunting reverberations.
If you thought 2015 was god-awful, then boy do you need a slap in the face. 2016 is full of such madness, such despair and such fuckery that I cannot begin to imagine what 2017 will be like (have I said this before???). With such an unprecedented turn of events happening at the speed of your stupid Facebook feed, it’s no wonder that we’d all like to just throw the year down a trash bin and burn it. Where shall we begin everyone? Who or what shall I discuss first? What in God’s name were the positives? Do snow monkeys make snow balls and eat them? We’ll go over it all as we begin with….
Did you see that kick? That build up? That GOAL???? It won the internet. It made Assad shit in his pants. It resurrected Ronald Reagan only to kill him again. It silenced everyone! Goal of the season? How about goal of the decade? Arsene now says it’s in his top five, and that bar is fucking high. This is Arsenal, where football isn’t just a capitalist war of attrition. It’s art. It transcends life. It produces memorable moments. It produces goals like this.
Despite my huge love for manga and anime, I believe you learn more about Japanese culture through television and film. So what better way for you to soak it all in than to binge watch the newest season of a long running Japanese TV show adapted from a food manga? Originally known as Shinya Shokudo, Netflix was able to get the rights to a brand new 4th season for 2016 called Midnight Diner: Tokyo Stories. It’s great television with lots of heart as we see the comings and goings of various patrons as they shack up a late night snack with our titular owner chef. Portrayed by Kaoru Kobayashi, the “Master” is a quiet but warm character who acts as the silent cauldron that warms the broth of each new character’s story. Whether it simmers, goes flat or boils over is something you’ll cherish as each episode slowly unfolds.
I can’t understand the rubbish coming from Alan Shearer when he refuses to admit that Alexis fucking Sanchez is world-class. Even Gary fucking Lineker says he is, and he’s a Spud! That movement, that guile, that FUCKING HAT TRICK! Are you kidding me???
Thanksgiving has finally snuck up behind us and we haven’t a damn clue of what we are doing. Are we cooking anything? Do you know what you’re going say to your Trump-loving relatives? Can Gary Johnson make Pumpkin Pie? Who died and made you King? Now before you answer these questions, here’s 14 tips to help you survive this Holiday without setting yourself on fire. They are all obvious nods to the Onion, but this is my blog and I’m sticking to it!