Bio Hazard: Eden Hazard Keen on Becoming Another Asshat at Chelsea F.C.

Many a football pundit has speculated as to where the talented young Belgian would go to as his glory days at Lille would be numbered after winning the Ligue 1 title in 2010-2011.  Regarded as the best player in France, it’s no doubt that with his keen ability and confidence that the big money would go hunting for him.  Real Madrid?  PSG? Man U?  Merc City?

Oh, and Arsenal?  BAH!!  They have no ambition.  They’re in crisis remember?

Hell, this man’s ego is so high that he even made a goddamned video about all of this speculation, cheeky bastard…

But now, as the BBC reports, the cheeky footballer is going to none other than ChelseaCHELSEAMONEYBAG FUCKING CHELSEA!!  This dude even made a tweet about it, yet Chelsea are reluctant to comment about it at the moment (which may be due to the fact that they are cunts).  And with the “Incredible Hulk” lined up, it appears that Roman’s gonna throw some more goddamned money for the club.  No surprise there, eh?

All of this comes as Belgian wonderkid Romelu Lukaku admitted that he “felt no joy” with Chelsea as they won the Champions League this past May.  He hardly got to start for the Blues, and as a striker that sucks.  And if anything sums up what I distinctly feel about Chelsea, it’s what Lukaku says towards the end of the article that REALLY hits the nail on it’s rusted head:

“Chelsea really wanted me last summer and paid a lot for me but after a while I thought, are you just throwing money around?”

As it stands, young Romelu is looking to go out on loan once he gets a chance to talk to the manager (which, as Grumpygrad points out, hasn’t even been picked yet) and he’s right to look for an opportunity like that.  Instead of developing the lad into what could be a another Drogba through baptism by fire, Roman goes for the big name buy, and if I were Lukaku, I’d be pissed off. Oh, and Hazard being a fellow Belgian definitely would not help much either.

So Eden, I guess you’re gonna have a case of the Blues this summer.  All that money must be enticing once you find yourself to be second fiddle to the likes of Fat Frank and Jim Crow John Terry, but hey, who knows, right?  And even though your national team Captain, my very own Verminator, tipped you off for success and wished you well, I know that when Chelsea squares off with the Gunners, Thomas is gonna give you a Kevin Davies-esque two footed leg breaker tackle the likes of which you will never EVER forget.  And that’s not because he hates you, no no, far from it.  He’s gonna do what all fellow countrymen do when one of their own begins a new journey into a new land, he’s gonna introduce you to what’s common over there.  Those pre-match handshakes?  They won’t cut it man.  You see, he’s gonna say hello, and he’s gonna do it in a way that will remind you of where you are now.

So Eden, hello, and welcome to the Engilsh Premier League…you cunt.

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