Ruffles’ Smokehouse BBQ Potato Chips were Crafted by the Devil!!!

A nice big, satanic bag of oh so fucking good Ruffles Smokehouse BBQ Potato Chips. Image courtesy of memphisflyer.com

Like many Americans, I have a tendency to stop by my gas station to do the usual things, such as filling up the car, looking at beverages and hunting around the premises for snacks. In my case in particular, I usually do these things at 7-Eleven because they not only have gas and actual fucking food, but they actually have staff that don’t appear to look like they have five dead hookers in the back of their dumpsters. Taquitos and their opium-laden M&M cookies are usually my orders for the day, but something else has arrived into the mix.  Something far more insidious and tempting, akin to the scent of Sharpie markers and your sexy grade school teacher’s panties as she puts you in the corner of the coat room.  That product is none other than…

…Ruffles’ Smokehouse BBQ Potato Chips.

Crafted by Satan himself, Frito Lay has apparently written a contract with the dark lord, whereby the most full bodied and choicest of chips, containing ridges that are so crispy that the word “pop” has been reinvented to sound like “molestation of your mouth,” are dusted with a BBQ powder that could beat your average, wimpy BBQ potato chip to a fleshy, gooey pulp, like Danny Trejo on Alan Greenspan .  It’s a bit sad that you can only find them in the medium sized, nine ounce bags, but the quality of each chip is soooo apparent after you sample a BIG bag of regular Ruffles and realize that the devil left all the broken chips there, and saved all the good shit to be raped by BBQ madness!!  It’s not that the chip itself is blasted with seasoning, but the blend itself is JUST so right and balanced that every bite is akin to a plethora of succubi sitting on your dong before you’re being sent straight to hell…

Full bodied and crispy. Image courtesy of Brandeating.com

So before you go and eat your brown rice and boiled chicken breast to prolong your life long enough for your wife to divorce you and take it all away, why don’t you sit down, think for a minute, and indulge on something that could potentially kill you.  No, I’m not talking about Clorox goddammit, I’m talking about Ruffles’ Smokehouse BBQ Potato Chips.  Satan will thank you…muhahahahaha!!!! (And so will your taste buds)

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2 thoughts on “Ruffles’ Smokehouse BBQ Potato Chips were Crafted by the Devil!!!

  1. I haven’t had these things for ages. I would be slaughtered for eating these chips in the Bay Area. Liquid smoke flavoring = cancer for the hippies out here.

    • But liquid smoke flavoring is yummy!! And the crunch on these things are FANTASTIC!! You need to get a bag and eat it like crack on a Sunday afternoon. GET TO IT!!! 😛

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