Year of the Rooster? How about year of the Orange Clucker??? Here’s hoping that you’re ready to eat a ton of bird because this year will be so full of guano that the only comfort you’d have is knowing where all that shit came from. It’s ONLY BEEN A WEEK and the Donald has shat on everything you could think of. Please be merry, please enjoy dumplings or a hot pot and PLEASE think of positive things folks. We’re in for a long one, so let’s celebrate now, and get ready to bring it to “Donny” in the coming year.
Bone Tomahawk was the last movie I saw in 2016 and it was a goddamned mistake to do so. I should’ve picked something fun, sentimental or positive to watch, but I ended that awful year with a movie so fucking brutal and timely that it made Mariah Carey’s Times Square performance a cake walk (that shit was still embarrassing though). Bone Tomahawk isn’t the horror-western we needed, but the one we deserved. And if you’re brave enough to see it through, it will provide unshakable payback with haunting reverberations.
If you thought 2015 was god-awful, then boy do you need a slap in the face. 2016 is full of such madness, such despair and such fuckery that I cannot begin to imagine what 2017 will be like (have I said this before???). With such an unprecedented turn of events happening at the speed of your stupid Facebook feed, it’s no wonder that we’d all like to just throw the year down a trash bin and burn it. Where shall we begin everyone? Who or what shall I discuss first? What in God’s name were the positives? Do snow monkeys make snow balls and eat them? We’ll go over it all as we begin with….
Did you see that kick? That build up? That GOAL???? It won the internet. It made Assad shit in his pants. It resurrected Ronald Reagan only to kill him again. It silenced everyone! Goal of the season? How about goal of the decade? Arsene now says it’s in his top five, and that bar is fucking high. This is Arsenal, where football isn’t just a capitalist war of attrition. It’s art. It transcends life. It produces memorable moments. It produces goals like this.