A Great End to a Disappointing Arsenal Season (2016 – 2017)

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It’s Memorial Day today and after returning from a quaint little Jazz festival in Alexandria, Virginia, I just thought I need to make a few blurbs about Arsenal.  I originally wanted to write another hate-filled speech about Cheetos Emperor Donaldore J. Trumpfuckery the 15th and his ties to a secret cabal of one-eyed KGB kickboxers, but that’ll be for another day.  Today is for the vets, and it’s also for me to celebrate Arsenal’s victory over Chel$ki F.C. to win the 2017 F.A. Cup.

Our season in the Prem started out well, and things were looking good between November 2016 and January 2017.  However, losing Santi Cazorla was a massive blow, and as you already know, the wheels started to come loose a little later in the campaign.  Losing to Crystal Palace, Liverpool, Tony Pulis F.C., and Watford, along with ties to fucking Bournemouth and some offsides bullshit with Citeh dented both our hopes and our top four chase, making us 5th for the Europa League.  A big blow to us for sure, but I really REALLY want to stay positive and hope that there’s a silver lining in that as well.  If Chel$ki and United fall into the Europa League with little ire from the press, why can’t Arsenal, right?  (I’m being sarcastic of course)

However, I’m still not in the Wenger Out camp.  I’d only do so in order for Uncle Arsene to be spared of all this stuff.  That’s not to say that Arsenal aren’t without problems.  I’m as sick of it as anyone else when it comes to our pattern of implosion, but to visibly vent our frustrations on Wenger does him or us no justice.  Protest the way we play, or get in the board’s face about investment or even a change in tactics, but for reals folks, please don’t dis Uncle Arsene.  He doesn’t deserve it.

So give the old man credit for that back three.  Give him credit for his selections.  Give him AND the players some cred for smacking Mourinho in the face after beating ManU in the Prem and give him his due for giving us one helluva F.A. Cup final.

If you watched the final, then you know how exciting it was.  I was screaming at Arsenal all day to make sure they didn’t fuck anything up and sure enough, they didn’t.  The first 5 minutes was all Arsenal with some amazing possession and, handball or not, a neat goal from Alexis Sanchez.  I’m glad we got in Chel$ki’s faces and I’m glad we got some fortune for once.  Ramsey offside?  Yeah right.

However, with all the chances we had throughout the first half, the game should’ve been out-of-sight with 4-0.  We dominated the midfield battle and for all the excuses Chel$ki fans can make about not being at the races, save it.  You guys put out THE title-winning eleven and for an occasion like the F.A. Cup final, you guys looked ordinary.  Oh, and that Ozil tackle on Hazard?  Priceless.

The second half saw the Blues amped up with a few more fouls, penetration and pace, which only made David Ospina look cooler and cooler with some fine saves.  Per, Rob and Nacho held Neaderthal Costa back pretty well for the most part.  Well, except for his goal of course.  But that was after the Victor Moses dive.  Which he got a red card for.  Sweet.  Again, you’d think Arsenal would be safe after that but then we got Costa’d.  I kicked a box at home as my head boiled with fury.  For an Arsenal fan like me, this usually means that we would not only implode, but  Per would break all three of his legs somehow, Ox would get a Red card for being Gibbs (again) and Phil McNulty would begin masturbating at the thought of writing another thinly-veiled ‘Arsenal-are-weak-get-Wenger-sacked’ fluff piece.

However, in only a few short minutes, Phil would have to go limp and clean his chin in disgust because when Olly Giroud came on, he made made a beautiful cross to an unmarked Ramsey, where he cannoned a header past Courtois (the best GK in teh Prem mind you).  The roar of the Gooner faithful thundered the air, the blue poop of London groaned and the Red Sea parted in Divine Rapture.  I wasn’t the only one jumping for Joy.  I clutched my Wife, I held on to the sky and was ready for Arsenal to defend for their life.  What a feeling, and what a goal!

Ospina and the rest of the defense had to then pull in one helluva shift to make sure the game didn’t turn into 2-2, with a brilliant save to keep us all in.  Mesut should’ve scored when Arsenal broke free but had to settle for the post, Courtois’ leg and a corner and I wished to God Giroud got his 100 goals for the club, but when that final whistle came, I didn’t care.  We saw through the challenge.  We beat the deserved Champions of England.  We won the F.A. Cup.  And we did it with our BFG Captain making his FIRST START OF THE SEASON!

I’m not so sure if this ‘saved’ our season because there’s just sooooo much that we still need to work on.  Injuries, motivation, mentality and, overall, contracts.  It sounds like the ‘same old Arsenal’ tag that most shit pundits like to beat us with, but it all happened at the latter half of the season, not the tail-end of November like usual.  We’re starting to slowly find a way to play without Santi, but we need to really rethink our defensive transitions because teams are finding out how to exploit us in our own half.  It’s my hope that the maturation of Xhaka in the Prem will help in that regard, but like many new signings at Arsenal, they usually don’t mature until they take a pounding.  Keeping Sanchez and Ozil are should be the main target of the club this summer, and if we do, we need to drill Sanchez to avoid turnovers at all costs.  I also personally think Giroud and the Ox should still stay at the club, with the former being a beast from the bench and the latter shining as a wing back.  Finally,it’s my hope that with a win like this, we can take a serious look at our problems, use Spurs’ current form as a kind of jealous motivation, and our sinking into the Europa doldrums as a silver lining for experience as we try to recoup ourselves to do something big next season.

Until then guys, let’s savor this win and tell the rest of the naysayers to piss off.

SCORPION KIIIIIICK!!!!!

Did you see that kick?  That build up?  That GOAL????  It won the internet.  It made Assad shit in his pants.  It resurrected Ronald Reagan only to kill him again.  It silenced everyone!  Goal of the season?  How about goal of the decade?  Arsene now says it’s in his top five, and that bar is fucking high.  This is Arsenal, where football isn’t just a capitalist war of attrition.  It’s art.  It transcends life.  It produces memorable moments.  It produces goals like this.

HAT TRICK HERO: West Ham United vs. Arsenal (EPL 12-3-2016)

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I can’t understand the rubbish coming from Alan Shearer when he refuses to admit that Alexis fucking Sanchez is world-class.  Even Gary fucking Lineker says he is, and he’s a Spud!  That movement, that guile, that FUCKING HAT TRICK!  Are you kidding me???

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Arsenal vs. Chelsea: EPL (9/24/2016)

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The last time I saw Arsenal whoop Chelsea was in 2011 during the RVP days.  The last few times, it’s been Diego Costa getting away with being a complete jerk without any penalty.  The last few times, it’s been too many goals against us and not enough against them.  The last few times, it was Mourinho being a dick wad.  Specialist in failure anyone?

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Bidding Farewell to the 2015-2016 Premier League Season

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There are so many words I could use to describe the Gunners’ season, but given that much has happened on Sunday (including that horrible scare at Old Trafford), I truly can’t use many words like “Wenger Out” or “Time for Change.”  We’re lucky that we’ve all got to enjoy our football in one piece obviously, but if there’s a phrase I could use, its “Missed Opportunity.”  With horrible losses to the likes of Swansea, United, Chelsea and Southampton (the latter two being refereeing catastrophes), it’s horrible to see our title hopes become forfeit like that.  Injuries have also, once again, demolished us, so I hope next season, we’ll finally figure out a way to rest and rotate our players accordingly.  With Leicester now Champions, it’s easy to throw Arsenal under the bus and ask “If they could, why couldn’t we?”, but have a look at United, Citeh and Chelski.  The Foxes took it one game at a time in a season where no one (save for Arsenal) took them seriously on the pitch.  Congrats to them of course, but I can bow out of this season knowing that my Gunners did their part against them.  This really is history in the making so bravo to LCFC.

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It’s Just a Thriller: Arsenal vs. Leicester City (2/14/2016)

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My heart was in my throat for 95 minutes as I watched Arsenal duke it out with League leaders Leicester City.  I’m not going to go for the specifics of the match but it was a roller-coaster of emotions for me as Welbeck came on to nod in the winning goal.  From elation to tears, I couldn’t believe it.  Simply put, football can be a beautiful thing where you ride a tidal wave of feelings from beginning to end.  Despair from Vardy’s dive to pure love for the Cannon on your badge as Danny ran into the crowds for his first goal in forever.  It’s moments like that where legends rise, and I hope for Danny and Arsenal, it will happen.  On to the next game gents!

2015: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

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I wish I had written this before the end of 2015, but to be honest, I dreaded writing this because 2015 was just a bad year overall.  Sure, there were some nice highlights that I savored but so much occurred that I can’t even begin to really write anything coherent but here goes.

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