Year of the Rooster? How about year of the Orange Clucker??? Here’s hoping that you’re ready to eat a ton of bird because this year will be so full of guano that the only comfort you’d have is knowing where all that shit came from. It’s ONLY BEEN A WEEK and the Donald has shat on everything you could think of. Please be merry, please enjoy dumplings or a hot pot and PLEASE think of positive things folks. We’re in for a long one, so let’s celebrate now, and get ready to bring it to “Donny” in the coming year.
If you thought 2015 was god-awful, then boy do you need a slap in the face. 2016 is full of such madness, such despair and such fuckery that I cannot begin to imagine what 2017 will be like (have I said this before???). With such an unprecedented turn of events happening at the speed of your stupid Facebook feed, it’s no wonder that we’d all like to just throw the year down a trash bin and burn it. Where shall we begin everyone? Who or what shall I discuss first? What in God’s name were the positives? Do snow monkeys make snow balls and eat them? We’ll go over it all as we begin with….
Thanksgiving has finally snuck up behind us and we haven’t a damn clue of what we are doing. Are we cooking anything? Do you know what you’re going say to your Trump-loving relatives? Can Gary Johnson make Pumpkin Pie? Who died and made you King? Now before you answer these questions, here’s 14 tips to help you survive this Holiday without setting yourself on fire. They are all obvious nods to the Onion, but this is my blog and I’m sticking to it!
I kid you not. This is a gym around where I used to work in Tampa. Can you guess what kind of gym it is?
When you watch a film like Zack Snyder’s 300, there’s so much in it that appeals to us in a primitive sense. There’s this sense that you, the hero (or in this case, Sparta) and his or her way of life is threatened by foreign hordes. There’s also this inherent love of muscle and military might that borders on the fanatical. Lastly, there’s this inherent feeling of righteousness in smiting the ‘other’, which is exemplified in the film’s last words from Dillios:
The enemy outnumber us a paltry three to one, good odds for any Greek. This day we rescue a world from mysticism and tyranny and usher in a future brighter than anything we can imagine.
I remember how twisted my feelings got when I heard those last words in the theater. Sure I had fun, but I seriously never knew that in the years to come, that “world [of] mysticism and tyranny” meant me…meant us.
Yep, it’s that time of year again where I take it upon myself to review (and recommend) a horror movie, and for this year, I’m throwing my hat to Eli Craig’s 2010 horror comedy Tucker & Dale vs Evil. It’s become quite a cult hit in my opinion, and thanks to Netflix, the girlfriend and I have enjoyed it immensely. Part of its appeal to me might simply be how the gore works out, but much of it is because it’s horror comedy done right.