Mawwiage

My husband and I did not court. I don’t even know if that is the way you say it. He didn’t court me? I wasn’t courted? We met in November 1992 through a mutual friend who knew we weren’t interested in dating. We were so disinterested in dating that we went straight for marriage. We got…

via 24 Things I’ve Learned During 24 Years of Marriage — Kathy Khang – writer, speaker, coffee drinker

My ego is a fragile thing, and it’s gotten me in trouble with my lovely wife many times.  When I let myself down, and more importantly, when I let her down, I really need to understand that whenever I do something wrong, I’ve got to NOT take it personally.  But as an uber sensitive guy, I’m still learning.  Thanks for sharing the list Kathy.

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Thoughts on Lincoln

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I had a great time in D.C. with the GF, but returning to the status quo of not being together has more or less imprisoned me in a very familiar cage of silence.  I’ve got no one to laugh with or discuss things with, and no one to really share food with.  Therefore, I’m thankful for having those five days full of what used to be our lives.

The overarching feeling I got from traveling between Arlington and the District was this unique sense of rediscovery as an American.  Let me just say that in light of many recent events, I haven’t been proud of my association with this country.  Individuals who are running for the highest seat of office have said some very MEAN things.  SCARY things.  XENOPHOBIC things.  This is all stirring a pot of sentiment that’s been on a slow boil for years now, while on the other side of the kitchen, we have many who are rightfully protesting racial violence and inequality on all fronts as more and more sad revelations come to light.  This election year will no doubt become another year of self-reflection and soul-searching as the nation’s ideals go toe-to-toe with its outlandish and confounding appetite for self-destruction.

When GF took me to the Lincoln Memorial, I was awestruck by the size of the structure because frankly, it was bigger than what I had imagined.  Everywhere I looked, folks from literally ALL walks of life were there.  I saw little girls with hijabs running up and down the steps.  I saw Black and Latin girlfriends taking selfies near the reflection pool.  Me and a host of other Asians were fixed on the statue itself, clicking away at our cameras or just staring at the immensity of it all.  And of course, a nice tourist asked me to snap family photos by the statue itself.  Long story short, I was in awe of both what stood in front of me and what was unfolding around me.  Under the fatherly gaze of Abraham Lincoln, I was reminded about the promise of America and the hope that comes about as we ruminate on its legacy.  I looked at the big picture and I was thankful that I had the right to assemble here, to think here and to honor so much here in the Lincoln Memorial without fear of reprisal.  As an Illinois native, a boy from the Land of Lincoln, maybe I didn’t travel so far to finally see the man.  With his words etched around us in a marble sanctuary, maybe this wasn’t the first time for me to visit him.  Maybe this wasn’t just sightseeing.  Maybe I came home.

Unexpected Lover

To those that may not know, T-Square’s “Unexpected Lover” is my #1 favorite track from the band, and it’s somewhat fitting at this moment given how much of a turn my personal life has taken.  I won’t divulge anything really, but what I do want to say, or maybe reiterate, is that friendship and love are not as mutually exclusive as one may think.  Maybe both lead us in either way, or, they lead us into an even worse path, but regardless, they lead you somewhere, especially if you take the road of friendship.  With that said, all I can say right now is that although I’m not in the most “ideal” situation, I am in a place where her heart is all that matters to me, and that she finds solace in what I say, and how committed I’ve been.  Her hand is the only one I yearn for, and her body is the only one I want to pull close to me as darkness rolls across the sky, and so far, it has not only become both gratifying and irresistible, but, in many ways, highly unexpected…

The Allure of Autumn

If I were in Chicago at this time of year, I would be greeted with a fleeting sea of gold, saffron and crimson that would waft slowly down with the wind from what would soon become barenaked branches.  Much of what I’ve just said sounded quite poetic to onlookers such as myself, whose self-pitying gravitas is underwhelmed completely by the poor bastard that has to rake all of that.  However, such is the nature of life, where one enjoys the pleasantries of one phenomenon while another must bare the consequences that beget said phenomenon.  The allure of autumn is no different…

We are obviously getting closer and closer to December, which means that winter will arrive soon (and thanks to global warming, it already has…with the goddamned snow of course).  For folks like me and GrumpyGrad, who live on opposite sides of the country, we don’t have the chance to see snow much anymore, but for someone like myself who lives in shitty Florida, I don’t see much of autumn either.  We get brown leaves that turn to dead colors and simply become dead weight for various landfill areas in and around the area.  Sure, green is still avast in most areas, but that whole idea of withering gracefully is more or less non-existent here.

After having Thanksgiving at the usual spot for me with my Aunt and Uncle (best friends of my old man), I came home with a full stomach and a worn out body from playing piggyback with my little niece.  I sat down and browsed Facebook to see that “said girl” had this wonderful photo of her old college campus in China.  God, I wish we were able to see things like that here in Florida, and from there,we went back and forth about this photo, where she wondered if we could paint the leaves gold and someone would shake the tree for them to fall.  I remembered when I was greeted in a sea of gold as Chicago bid farewell to the seasons with one last show of grace from nature, from the vain campus of Lane Tech High School to the hollow grounds of UIC.

The allure of autumn and its meaning to me has alluded me for some time I suppose.  Was it the cool weather that made me love this season so much?  Was it the vibrant palette of colors that the leaves painted in each and every neighborhood?  Or was it the company you had as you walked through sidewalks that would eventually become drenched not in leaves, but in black snow?  As I think back at the picture she placed on her Facebook wall where we typed about our longing for the season, I am again reminded that nature refuses to wither in shame, but in brave, vibrant and upstanding grace,  With all this in mind, I can only hope that my feelings for her will pass on in the same fashion, where the allure of a season is not only found in a lucid sea of gold, but in the promise that new, more livelier beginnings will emerge strong…